About Mental Health and Wholeness...

One person I am grateful to know in 2021 is my mental health therapist.

I recently read an article during which the author mentions her therapist and follows that up with "Yes, I see a therapist, and you should, too!" I laughed and thought, "You go, girl!"

While I understand that seeing a therapist is not for everyone, I do believe it is worth every person at least considering.

Could you benefit from seeing a therapist? If you answer yes to any number of these questions, perhaps it is worth considering in 2021:

• Are you a human being?
• Do you have family members who are human beings?
• Do you interact with human beings on a regular basis?
• Are you raising tiny human beings?
• Have you been living through 2020 and now the first 10 days of 2021?
• Do you push emotions down deep into your toes?
• Do you have a history of trauma or abuse?
• Have you ever lost someone you loved?
  
• Do you feel overwhelmed by your to-do list at home or at work?
• Do you have problems with boundaries?
• Are you not sure that you know what boundaries are?
• Would you like help in learning to live the whole breadth of emotions and life?

One of the main things (of thousands, of course!) that first drew me to my sweet husband was his emotional intelligence. Seriously. If you know my goofy and light-hearted Kurt, you may laugh at this. But truly!  He is (mostly!) a wise man. I credit some of this to his decision, in his late twenties, to seek out a therapist for himself. He didn't totally connect to his first or even second therapist, but he kept persevering and did find a great match. I am so proud of young Kurt for doing this. Good job, Past Kurt!

[If you're still reading this and are looking for a funny story about a therapist: The first time Kurt went out to dinner with me and my parents, he secretly pointed to a table next to us and whispered to me: "This is a little awkward, but that's the lady I used to see." I looked over and saw a woman, probably in her mid-sizties, who was beautiful and graceful. I was pretty confused throughout our meal, as I admittedly didn't know everything about Kurt at this point but was surprised he hadn't told me about a much older girlfriend. It turns out 'the lady he used to see' was his therapist. We have come to affectionally call her 'the cougar.']

It doesn't have to be about mental illness, friends. It very well could simply be about mental health and wholeness. 

Not an ad for therapists, just a PSA from your self-care-loving friend!

harden not your heart

I was first introduced to the artist, Lauren Daigle, in February of this year. I remember the date exactly: February 3rd, 2020. It was the day after Kurt's birthday and the night before we had to unexpectedly say our final goodbye to our sweet boston terrier, Marlo.  I was 32 weeks pregnant with our third little lady, and Kurt was briefly home between two [Lizzie-sanctioned!] international trips, which was leaving me with a lot of "mom-ing" to do. A fellow mama in a faith-sharing group for mothers of young children played Lauren's song, Rescue, for us. I was so drawn to the song and to the message. 

Since that date, WOW. It goes without saying, but life has become a bit more challenging and chaotic--a bit sadder. My heart is hurting to see how others are hurting. It is hard to rest in the ambiguity and fragility of our health (and that of our loved ones) amidst the pandemic, to grapple with all these immediate changes in our communities, and to hear and see people respond indifferently to the plight of our black brothers and sisters. Perhaps most difficult for me is wrestling with the thought that my own inattention may have played a role in perpetuating that plight.

On February 3rd, when I heard Lauren's song, it resonated with me. When I heard Lauren's song today, I heard it with a new lens. I was moved again by her words. 

So let's go, friends. Do not allow your heart to be hardened [Hebrews 3:15]. Use this time to allow the Holy Spirit to work creatively in you. The time is NOW (well, actually, it was yesterday!) to treat one another with the respect every single human being (CHILD OF GOD!!) deserves. It is time to listen, to ask questions, and to better educate ourselves. It is time to put aside our fear and to engage in meaningful conversations. It is time to ensure that our children know "loving our neighbor" means undeniably loving every person, regardless of race, sex, class, ability, sexual orientation, creed, age, and so on. It is time to look into the face of our neighbors and to see Christ, to see goodness, and to see love, for when we care about life, we care about all life.

Your "Mindful Brain"

Be easy on yourself, dear.

In today's world, we constantly want to go, to produce, to move, to lead, to accomplish.  We wake up early, check emails in between morning routine tasks, eat breakfast in the car on the way to work, impress our bosses by multi-tasking all day long, work through lunch, listen to voicemails on our drive home, eat a quick dinner (standing up the whole time, of course), rush off to the evening's event, and crash into bed 6 hours before our alarms will go off the next morning.

Our 'thinking brains' are on point.  Wheels spinning and mind racing until the moment we drift back to sleep, we have been conditioned to act in this manner.  Since childhood, we've learned of the dangers of laziness and of the importance of thinking critically and using our full potential. We are smart. We are driven. We get things done.  That's wonderful.

At the same time, however, we are exhausted. We are anxious.  We have no time. We are losing control of our lives. We resist caring for ourselves.

As toddlers, we were full of wonder. We were so mindful and attentive to the present moment. We'd spend several minutes (hours?!) appreciating things such as ceiling fans, ants, sand, the moon, and washing machines. When did we lose that innocence and curiosity? When did the resistance toward sitting still and quietly with only our breath and our thoughts begin?  What happened to our 'mindful brain?'

Here's my DARE for you, friend.  I dare you to try to uncover your mindful brain. Simply spending 5-10 minutes per day, allowing your brain to rest and focusing on your inhalations and exhalations, will lead, over time, to less anxiety, better sleep, and improved awareness of positive emotions and experiences in your life.

Sitting meditation, though not my favorite, is a common form of meditation. To do this, sit in a comfortable position with no distractions. Gently close your eyes, or allow your eyelids to rest halfway closed. Begin to focus on your breathing, using a regular breathing pattern. When you breathe in, your abdomen should expand. When you breathe out, your abdomen should flatten again. Try to avoid breathing heavily from your chest. Your mind will start to wander. That's okay. Acknowledge your "frog brain," and return to focusing on your breathing.  When it feels right, open your eyes, and be grateful for those few moments of silence.

Other forms of meditation include:
-Mindful driving: No radio, no podcasts, no distractions... just drive
-Mindful eating: No socializing, no checking your email/phone/calendar... just eat
-Laying meditation: Just like sitting meditation, but you're laying down. I find the yoga pose, "Legs up the wall," particularly relaxing.
-Walking meditation: Breathe in for 4 steps, breathe out for 4 steps, and so on. Adjust the number of steps per breath to your preferred walking and breathing speeds. This is best when you're walking alone and are otherwise undistracted.
-Loving-Kindness Meditation: A favorite!!  ...To be further explained in a future post!

Give it a try, dear, and allow yourself the space to single-task, to rest, to wonder, to wander, to experience... you only have so many trips 'round the sun.

Love,

Lizzie